My beautiful dark twisted Rockies prophecy
“I don’t know why I decided on two wins but it just felt right. They were already back in a nose dive having only won four so far in June and with the Brewers (twice), Cardinals and the Nationals on the docket, there was just no way this horrendous team was going to cobble together more than two victories.”
This isn’t a victory lap so much as it is a funeral march. And while I’m tooting my own horn here, it’s more of a sad trombone, woefully playing to the dying embers of the Rockies 2014 season. The Rockies have won twice in the two weeks since the team was no hit by the Dodgers on June 18th, and once Clayton Kershaw skillfully completed his no-no, I looked at the schedule and proclaimed they wouldn’t win more than two games in the next two weeks.
This is what I said:
“The Rockies will win 2 games over the next two weeks.”
And with yet another humiliating sweep, this time at the hands of the Washington Nationals, my dark prophecy came true: two wins in two weeks.
Told ya. Called it. I knew it.
I hate when people say that. Twitter is one big “I told you so” but since no one is really paying any attention to what you say, the need to remind everyone you were right is paramount. But this wasn’t just right, it was scary right. And while it seems like I’m touting my prognostication abilities, I didn’t really want to be correct.
When I said this, it was met with a modicum of skepticism but still wasn’t totally out of the realm of possibility for those scoffing at my proclamation. “Come on guy, two games?” they said. I stuck to my guns and watched each loss with a growing sense of ironic fulfillment. And deep down, everyone knew I was probably going to be right.
I don’t know why I decided on two wins but it just felt right. They were already back in a nose dive having only won four so far in June and with the Brewers (twice), Cardinals and the Nationals on the docket, there was just no way this horrendous team was going to cobble together more than two victories.
Why? Because the team is bloody awful. The hot bats of the Rockies get cooled off faster than a blacksmith dunking his red hot sword into a bath of cold water. And the Rockies pitching goes off track faster than a game of horseshoes after a 12 pack and several bong hits. We all know the injury excuse will be floated for the reason they hit this wall, but you know, without any prescient ability, that this is just a bad team and bad teams don’t respond when injuries hit. Or any adversity for that matter.
So it’s with a heavy heart that I tell you now I have one more prediction to make. Oh, it’s not that the Rockies will continue to suck. That’s something even the most delusional fan knows in his/her heart. I’m predicting the Rockies will continue its ride down the drain and absolutely nothing will happen in the offseason. My guess is that Walt Weiss keeps his job because he’s inexpensive and the aforementioned injury excuse will be slathered on like mayonnaise. And Dan O’Dowd keeps his job as does his leather clad, ball-gag wearing gimp, Bill Geivett. O’Dowd’s reasoning to the Monforts (if he even has to give an excuse) is that he assembled an All Star lineup, he just couldn’t keep them on the field for a full season. The Monfort’s, not wanting to upset the precious balance they’ve established, or do a little leg work in hiring a team President to fire these incompetent morons, will give O’Dowd yet another season to run their team into the ground.
But there’s no need to say “I told ya” on that one, because you already know that’s going to happen. And you don’t need to see the future, to know which way the wind blows in #RockiesTown.
