The Broncos had better get their piss together
“Drops of vague information have leaked about Von’s leak taking. His sample was apparently “diluted” in some way. We don’t know whether that means Miller drank a gallon of water before he relieved himself or if he simply ran the collection cup under the bathroom faucet before it runneth over.”
Read More …
Nobody outside of the shadowy world on the NFL and the NFL Players Association know precisely why Von Miller was suspended for the first six games of the coming season. The only information that has been disseminated in an official way in the term of the suspension its self. What Miller was caught doing remains a mystery as does what went awry with his urine test.
Drops of vague information have leaked about Von’s leak taking. His sample was apparently “diluted” in some way. We don’t know whether that means Miller drank a gallon of water before he relieved himself or if he simply ran the collection cup under the bathroom faucet before it runneth over. What we do know is that the Broncos had better get their piss together because the league is taking a heightened interest in how it gets collected.
The collection of yellow stuff has been a grey area for all of the big four sports. Anybody who has ever applied for a life insurance policy has met with a sample taker at some point. These professionals arrive at your home or office in an innocuous automobile wielding a zipper bag containing various needles, bandages and sealed sample cups. You bleed a little, pee a little and see the person off. While the collector’s job is to try and insure that the samples he or she depart with actually belonged to you, they do not as a practice actually follow you into the restroom the way they do when testing Olympic athletes. This is where the system sometimes pisses down its leg.
Players wishing to play and avoid suspension employ all types of trickery in both altering urine samples and in later contesting their validity.
Baseball’s Ryan Braun famously accused the collector of his urine of driving home with it, storing it over night and fouling it somehow. Braun and his lawyers succeeded in preventing a suspension in 2012 by calling into question the handling of his tainted pee. In 2013 Braun got popped again and he has now apologized for flushing the collector.
Several years ago a Minnesota Vikings running back named Onterrio Smith got caught at the airport in possession of several baggies of dehydrated urine and a prosthetic dong called a “Whizzinator”. This drug test avoidance tool quickly became a part of the testing lexicon and has been whipped out by several pros since. One of those rumored to have utilized a Whizzinator is former Bronco DJ Williams whose unit is said to have had “non human urine” pumping through it. Apparently, DJ had to piss like a racehorse. Williams, like Von Miller, was suspended six games by the NFL. The commissioner was pissed.
Another approach pro players have used to avoid testing “hot” is having other people piss for them. It’s hard to say how common peers by proxy are, but the NFLPA has, according to Pro Football Talk, informed members that their identities with heretofore be verified prior to all sample collections. Still, urine taking continues to be done on players’ turf. This is what smells about the process. Ideally a player would be escorted to a facility where testing would be done under close supervision rather than being given the opportunity to fleece contracted sample collectors. But the NFLPA has apparently stood in the way of more tightly controlled procedures.
The NFL and the NFLPA should also come clean with the public when it comes to what leads players to get suspended. The cloudy nature of the process only leaves room for people to speculate. If a player is suspended because of a test the specific substance he was found guilty of using should be disclosed so that fans aren’t left to wonder what’s going on with their favorite players. Was Von Miller busted for pot – or was it “molly” – or was it both? Why keep it a secret? Would it not serve as a more effective example to other players and to the children who admire them if we could associate these suspensions with specific substances?
When it comes to drug testing, the NFL is still pissing down its leg. But the Broncos must get it together regardless. We have seen too many transgressions relating to urine sample collection from this team.
