Seven things that suck about Dallas
It’s been awhile since we unloaded on an NFL city. It began to seem in poor taste after we did it all last season (some folks were offended, especially by the New Orleans one). But, since Tony Romo and the Cowgirls can’t seem to keep their stupid mouths shut during the week leading up to their contest with the Denver Broncos we decided it was high time we took a look at Dallas, D-Town, City of Hate, the Big D. Seven things that suck about the place after the jump.
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It’s fucking hot
It’s not a dry heat. Dallas is hot as fuck in the summertime and it’s humid, too. It’s a brutal reality for the preponderance of obese people that live there.
The Bush family
Texas’ first family is full of assholes and it pretty much owns Dallas. Think of the Ewings, but real.
Fake tits.
Breast augmentation is enormously popular in the Dallas / Fort Worth metroplex. Apparently, huge fake tits are preferred by douchey fake cowboy types.
There are fat people everywhere
Obesity is epidemic in Texas – especially in big cities like Dallas. It’s really hot there, so the pigs tend just to wallow in the mud.
Their stupid accents
Dallas may be a world-class city, but the hayseeds that are actually from the miserable shithole sound like backwoods yokels.
Gay cruising
You may not immediately think of Dallas as a gay city but oooh boy is it. And, since it’s such a “macho” place, the gay men there “cruise” certain safe parts of the city looking for hook-ups. Also, gay men love dressing up like Cowboys.
Rick Perry
Governor douchebag tried running for President, but quickly found out that only the people of Texas can stand him.
