Seven Things That Suck About … Boston

Welcome to our brand new feature – Seven Things That Suck about …

Denver Sports fans have got it made. We’re lucky to live in Colorado. Win or lose, there’s no place better. That’s why it’s easy to find Seven Things That Suck about just about every other place. Why seven? It’s our lucky number. Elway’s number.

Once a week we will elevate our already mile-high civic pride by picking on some other city.

This week’s victim is Boston, Beantown, the City on the Hill.

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People from Boston

Some call them “Massholes”. Sadly, people from Boston don’t stay in Boston. They come to places like Colorado – and bring their stupid accents, Red Sox caps and Tom Brady obsessions with them. Chances are there’s one at your place of work who makes you want to shoot yourself.

 

Segregation

Boston might be a blue-blooded Northern town, but when it comes to racial segregation, it’s more Selma, Alabama that it is New York City. Among large US cities, Boston is among the most divided. According to the 2010 census, Boston is ranked 11^th for “extreme racial segregation between blacks and whites”. Middle class whites live in certain areas – blacks live in others.

 Its fucking cold

Since it’s a coastal City, Boston is freezing ass cold in the winter time. Extended periods of high temps below 10 degrees are common. Plus there’s horrendous wind and moist are coming off the water. There’s also lots and lots of snow and rain there.

 

 The Red Sox

Boston’s loveable losers kind of screwed things up by winning a couple World Series titles, but they seem to be back on the right track, having just canned Bobby Valentine after one ineffective season. Better yet, they had the pizza and beer frap in 2011. Unfortunately, the Red Sox being bad only seems to make their stupid fans that much happier.

Sweet Caroline

Neal Diamond’s Sweet Caroline is a catchy enough song, I suppose, if you’re over 60. How a whole new generation of Fenway Park fans have adopted it as their anthem is beyond comprehension. What’s wrong with Call me, maybe?

Big City envy

Boston’s not New York. It’s not Philadelphia, either. And the fact that it’s residents live in the shadow of those “real city” folks drives them crazy. It’s part of what makes them insufferable Massholes.

 

The Sports Media

Even though Boston is far smaller than other major Eastern Cities, the sports media there is even more horrendous.

Written by Colin D.