If the Broncos win the Super Bowl I will drink my pee.
“I’ll drink eight ounces. That’s all. The secretion will be collected in the men’s room of whatever facility I happen to be at, under moderate supervision, into a rocks glass with several ice cubes.”
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If the Broncos win the Super Bowl I will drink my pee.
I would not have made such an assurance this time one year ago. Back then every football pundit in America had Denver pegged as a sure thing from the pre-season to the playoffs. Everyone was just certain that Peyton Manning was going to hoist the Lombardi Trophy for a second time. Nobody was talking about Seattle. Why would I have offered to voluntarily drink my own urine just because my favorite team did what it was expected to do?
But this season the expectations are different. The national folks have left the Broncos behind. The Super Bowl loser, after all, never gets back. Besides, it’s an NFC style of football that wins in the big one! The Seahawks are America’s darlings now. Until some team unseats them they remain World Champions. And that team is not likely, in the estimation of pundits, to come from the American Football Conference. The Broncos, some say, will be lambs to the slaughter once again when they face the best their opposing conference has to offer.
So why wouldn’t I proffer indulge in a few sips of my own discharge if the Orange and Blue were to beat the perceived odds and conquer the world? Frankly, it would be the least I could do.
I’ll drink eight ounces. That’s all. The secretion will be collected in the men’s room of whatever facility I happen to be at, under moderate supervision, into a rocks glass with several ice cubes. It will be consumed in front of no fewer than a half-dozen witnesses immediately before I down a shot of Jack Daniels.
Cold pee. Hot Whisky.
I hope I have to drink my own piss. I really do. They say the stuff is sterile, after all. And the Whisky will all but insure my safety. Besides, I love my Broncos. But I don’t think I will ever have to pay up. This Broncos team is one of the best we will ever see but it is piloted by a quarterback who is simply notorious for finding a way to lose when the chips are down.
I think that Denver will have another fantastic season and that Broncos Country will go on a great ride. I am looking forward to it and I will enjoy each an every game. They aren’t going to win it all, though. I have accepted that.
And if they do I have to drink my own piss. And it will taste like victory.
