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Come on guy…with Phil Simms

John Reidy | September 15, 2014

“Either way, he’s done enough to prompt fans to launch a petition to get him removed from calling the Broncos game. Good luck with that. Controversy sells, and even when it’s in the pasty white, gassy-dad package of Phil Simms, people will tune in to hear what he has to say (usually negative) about the Denver Broncos.”

Most people got it wrong. During the broadcast of the Denver Broncos/Kansas City Chiefs game, Phil Simms didn’t say “I’m not rooting against Denver…” He said, “I’m not sitting here rooting for the Kansas City Chiefs, but…” and then his red and yellow butt plug shot out, ricocheting around the TV booth before becoming lodged in an air vent.

That he had to qualify his analysis sure does point to the fact that he is aware of either a) his bias against the Broncos or b) the fan tumult about him having a bias against the Broncos. Either way, if he’s supposed to be an unbiased analyst, he should probably scale it back.

In a bizzarro world version of how the Root Sports Rocky Mountain crew that calls the Rockies games, Simms is all-in on whatever team is playing the Broncos. During a Root broadcast, it doesn’t matter of Rockies player is clearly out on a throw to second, Jeff Huson will lean the hometown team’s way even after the replay shows otherwise. Simms, in a flip-flopped and slightly less embarrassing version of this, will go against the Broncos when it clearly shows otherwise. In other words, if Osama Bin Laden, Ray Rice, Dick Cheney and Adrian Peterson lined up against Denver, he’d find a way to talk up their intangibles.

It’s not like Denver has done Simms wrong: his New York Giants brutalized the Broncos in Super Bowl XXI, so is it because John Elway is still considered to be the more accomplished and better looking QB? I think we’re on to something here. Because it can’t be because of his son can it?

Chris Simms played for the Broncos and was given a shot to replace Kyle Orton but was unable to usurp that powerful titan’s throne. HE COULDN’T BEAT OUT KYLE ORTON. That’s not Denver’s fault Phil, it’s yours for being such a shitty dad.

Maybe it’s that he’s just a massive bag of dicks who doesn’t realize he’s foregoing professional courtesy by allowing a petty bias creep into his commentary. Either way, he’s done enough to prompt fans to launch a petition to get him removed from calling the Broncos game. Good luck with that. Controversy sells, and even when it’s in the pasty white, gassy-dad package of Phil Simms, people will tune in to hear what he has to say (usually negative) about the Denver Broncos.

So for disrespecting a great fan base and vilifying one of the premier professional sports teams in the world by having his bias leak out in his broadcast like urine from his old man prostate, Phil Simms gets this week’s COME ON GUY.

Written by John Reidy

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