The Knockout: A zinger for Dinger
“Dinger was created during a fad that invariably fizzled out and now we’re stuck with the mascot equivalent of a tramp stamp. I don’t know, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
It’s happened to all of us. We enter the massive façade of Coors Field on a sunny day, anticipating an afternoon filled with beer and baseball. The warm breeze wafts the smell of hot dogs and popcorn around us, and through the milling crowd we endeavor on, seeking those sun-hot stadium seats. While precariously balancing a hot dog in one hand, a beer in the other, and our ticket between two fingers, we’re only looking for the correct section to head to – and there he is. A giant, purple monstrosity is standing before us. The stupid grin and dead, cross-eyed stare instantly make you feel uncomfortable. He wears a midriff-bearing jersey that would be considered heinous in any early 90’s preteen circle and his hat is perched at a ridiculous angle betwixt two plush horns. He’s not wearing pants and he’s waving at you. Dinger.
Any baseball purist will tell you that life-sized mascots have no relevant place at ballgames. But the ballpark’s marketing suits will tell you they make the games more accessible and entertaining for the kiddos. Most Coloradoans will tell you Dinger just plain sucks. So why this much animosity towards the big, purple dino?
In the argument against the Rox mascot, most cite Dinger’s uncanny resemblance to Barney as reason enough. Well, in the early 90’s when the Rockies baseball club was being formed, Barney was at the top of every kid’s watch list. Someone must have said: “We could tell the public that dinosaur bones were found while breaking ground on Coors Field, and have all the kids begging their parents to bring them to the game just to see our own purple dinosaur!”
Puke. And maybe it worked for the kids under 8 years old, but now it feels like not even that demographic wants to see the purple dinosaur waving at them from atop the dugout. The Rockies mascot is outdated, plain and simple. Dinger was created during a fad that invariably fizzled out and now we’re stuck with the mascot equivalent of a tramp stamp. I don’t know, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don’t get me wrong. I get it. Mascots are a necessary evil. The kids he entertains are the future hardcore fans and I’m all for hooking them on quite possibly the best sport ever played (go on, judge me). But if we were to retire our purple dinosaur, that could pave the way for a new, more athletic mascot who maybe wouldn’t annoy us so much. Perhaps he could do some cool backflips during the 7th inning stretch. Does anyone know if Rocky has a brother?
It’s bad enough that the purple abomination is positioned directly behind home plate, wiggling and wagging to distract the opposing pitchers. But when that reel shows up on the highlights on national TV, it’s an embarrassment. If we can’t get him out of our ballpark, at least get him off TV. There’s no need to showcase our poor decisions to the world. Let’s keep Dinger in the stands, posing for pictures with the kids and shooting t-shirts into the crowds. If all else fails, for God’s sake, at least have him put on some pants.
