King Joffrey: I’ll tell you what. I’m going to give you a present. After I raise my armies, and kill your traitor brother, I’ll give you his head as well.
What’s a Rockies fan to do?
The team is worse than they’ve ever been, with no hope of drastic changes in sight either on the field or in the offices up stairs.
Imagine for a minute we’re way back in medieval times, where Kings rule and the masses that live in the kingdom are mere peons. Kings declare wars, make laws and can make life most splendid or rather terrible indeed.
It’s not that hard to imagine if you’re like me, a huge fan of HBO’s acclaimed series Game of Thrones, which recently wrapped up its second season.
And really, the parallels between the current state of the Colorado Rockies and Game of Thrones run deep.
An oppressive regime is currently running our beloved Rockies and no matter how much we complain about the Kings (Monforts) and their leadership, nothing happens.
They know they’re in power and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.
It’s much like in Game of Thrones, where adolescent Joffrey Baratheon has seized control of the Seven Kingdoms and currently leads from King’s Landing while sitting on the Iron Throne. He’s cruel and ignorant beyond belief. So much so, the people of his kingdom revolt and riot, hitting the King in the head with a giant rock before he barely escapes with his life.
At the King’s side, and at his post for a long while, is Lord Petyr Baelish (Dan O’Dowd), the Master of Coin (GM). Baelish is also a master of manipulation, caring more about staying in power and even gaining more power than the good of the kingdom. He advises the King, but also speaks for the king in his wheelings and dealings that are seemingly always selfishly based.
Today, Baelish cut the head off of pitching coach Bob Apodaca Ned Stark style, a move that only once again affirmed his power and skirted the responsibilities off onto the nice old man with no arms to work with.
The King’s Hand is Tyrion Lannister (Jim Tracy)—my personal favorite character—a dwarf whose intelligence exceeds his physical limitations.
After much arrogance by King Joffrey and the entire empire of King’s Landing, an approaching navy threatens to take over the city and kill everyone that once held power. “The Imp” comes to the rescue of King Joffrey and Lord Baelish when he devises a plan to stockpile explosives and takes out half of the invading navy’s fleet.
It sounds eerily similar to the Rockies being terrible for much of the 2000s, then Tracy coming in and rejuvenating the team, getting them to play at their best—with defense first and aggression on the basepaths—and into the World Series for the first time in the history of the franchise.
Alas, as magical that World Series run was in 2007, it likely bought Lords Baelish and Lannister the last five years with the empire.
The last three seasons, this one included, have been riddled with more heartbreak than even the most loyal fan can handle.
Week-in, week-out, opposing armies (teams) come into King Joffrey and Lord Baelish’s castle only to slaughter the men in purple pinstripes mercilessly.
The product on the field is hapless and hopeless, yet Joffrey protects Baelish, saying he’s the best Master of the Coin in all the land.
The royalty sit up in their ivory towers and laugh, sipping wine, knowing the idiotic commoners (fans) will continue to pay their taxes (tickets) or be banished from the kingdom.
One major problem is the people can’t stay away from the beautiful castle (Coors Field) for its vast selection of the finest ales, spirits and delectable feasting foods. It’s a thriving market in the heart of the city, a landmark and a popular rendezvous point for the young and old, and the Kings prosper off all the wealth that is brought to them.
We continue to make them fat and rich, covered in the finest linens from across the lands, so why should we expect they change their ways?
And with the Monforts’ reign on the Rockies’ empire going strong, with no end in sight, we could be stuck with all four for many years to come.
So what’s a Rockies’ fan to do?
If this were medieval times, we’d storm the gates and overthrow the King, putting someone we deemed more fit in his place—or parish trying.
This, about half of the third verse from “Medieval” by Danger Mouse and Jemini, seemed rather appropriate as it came on just as I was writing this piece.
“Your citadel is now under siege,
suckers get thrown in to the moat.
‘Cuz all they want to do is floss around and gloat.
Lower the drawbridge then release the hounds. (hounds)
We’re comin’ after y’all bitches, this is how we get down. (down)
Usually me and my men are a band of merry minstrels.
Right now we’re here to protect the crown from you clowns and fire-breathing heathens.
And intruders and enemies of the empire.”
The half of verse paints the picture of a King’s castle under siege, and the last three lines are the most relevant to Rockies fans.
Usually, Colorado sports fans are merry, having fun watching their teams whilist sipping cold ales brewed from their home.
But in this sorry, sad state the team is in, fans should be up in arms because they clearly care more about the team than the invisible ownership that hides in its luxury box or in a personal castle somewhere in Greeley.
Clowns and fire-breathing heathens are running the team, Rockies fans must rally.
Even if it doesn’t mean going after the Kings’ heads and to simply stay away from the castle to impact their coin purses.