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Matt Duchene’s love of crappy country is ruining the Avs

John Reidy | February 14, 2012

Is Matt Duchene’s love of crappy Country Music killing the Avs? John Reidy thinks so.

Has Matt Duchene panned out as the elite draft pick we thought he was? Duchene is certainly talented and has shown some incredible abilities in his three seasons with the Colorado Avalanche, but it’s becoming evident that he may be hitting the ceiling of his talent level. And that’s not good for the Avs. Duchene has been out with a knee injury for some time and has only now just now resumed skating with the team. When he does come back, we’ll see if he can take the next step to becoming the elite player the Avs need to get back in contention for a playoff spot. But there’s another pressing matter concerning Duchene that may be preventing him from become that player: his horrible taste in music.

Duchene loves him some Nü Country. Nü Country is the horrendous modern take on the country genre that involves overly sentimental patriotism, clichéd down-home values and a cartoonish vision of what makes real country music so likeable. It’s very similar to Nü Metal, which took all the power and aggression of true metal and turned it into a dreadlocked, funkafied, wuss party with the likes of Limp Bizkit and Korn leading the charge. Nü Country is wildly popular and yet is the most clichéd pop music ever: so bland it makes Katy Perry look like Bob Dylan.

And Matt Duchene fucking loves it.

Take one look at Duchene’s Twitter feed and he can’t stop talking about how great Dierks Bentley or Brad Paisley are. Have you heard Dierks Bentley? He’s awful. It’s like listening to an SNL skit making a grand parody of country music. Check it out:

 

 

What about a crowded night club, break dancing and wild light show, screams country music to you? It’s just flavorless pop music with a banjo, slide guitar and someone putting on a faux country accent. Like Larry the Cable Guy, who didn’t start out with that ridiculous backwoods inflection, I don’t believe for one second that these corncobs actually speak with such an affected southern flair. This is the same genre that holds the woman-haired, midget Keith Urban up as an icon. And he’s from Australia.

Brad Paisley is no better. His country costume looks right out of central casting and his backwoods drawl couldn’t have been done better if Daniel Day Lewis spent six months perfecting it. And don’t forget, the music is pure hokum:

 

 

There’s a vast library of classic country music Duchene could choose from. There’s even a host of new stuff that you’ll never hear on the local crap factory know as KYGO. Satellite radio features two country channels (Outlaw Country and Willie’s Roadhouse) that not only play classic country ala Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson, but new artists you won’t see waving a flag and pretending to care about the plight of the American worker.

And if you weren’t fully convinced that Duchene’s musical tastes are impacting his hockey playing, he also likes Nickelback. If that requires an explanation, you probably own one or more offerings by those Nü Metal hucksters. Here is some of their latest if you’ve forgotten just how crappy they are:

 

 

It’s no secret he loves bad music, but who knew it could be affecting Duchene’s ability to take the next step in his progression toward being a superstar. No one who listens exclusively to techno ever led the NHL in points, so why should Duchene when he listens to something just as bad? When he listens to wussies like Brad Paisley, he himself will reflect his hero. And when he listens to pretend country music, he can only be a pretend NHL star.

Written by John Reidy

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