As I prepare to go to my last Colorado Rockies game of the season today, a quiet sense of relief has come over me as the realization that I won’t have to pay any more attention to the calamity down at Coors Field has broken like dawn after a storm filled night. Or relief after three days of diarrhea. Whatever analogy you’d like to apply.
I hand picked a couple of games from the schedule before the season began: Opening Day, a game with my family, a game with one of my kids and his friends, and a game with a couple of old friends. The game I’m going to today with my buddies was chosen because our friend (and sometimes contributor/podcast guest) Snyder grew up a Cincinnati Reds fan. Having grown up in Colorado where there was no underachieving baseball team until 20 years ago, Snyder found solace in rooting for the Big Red Machine teams of the 70’s. Not he’s dismally not-rooting for the Flying Purple Shit Eaters down at 20th and Blake.
It all seemed so perfect when I picked this game out back in March: The Rockies would be pushing for its first division title and would assuredly be slated for another playoff appearance. We would bask in the glory of a waning summer day at Coors as we prepared for a fall full of playoff baseball. But you know what they say about best laid plans? They are usually soiled by an inept ownership and clueless front office shenanigans. Or something like that.
And since I’ve been accused of contributing to the problem (skillfully I must say by Tom Helmer on Show 111 of the South Stands Denver Fancast), I plan on not spending a dime while down at Coors Field. The Monfarts have vaccumed enough money out of all of our wallets this season while providing a strikingly bad product on the field: they don’t need anymore.
But the Monfarts haven’t given up parting fools from their money (yes, I am one of those) and the team has launched a Year of the Fan t-shirt contest to further whistle past the graveyard of the 2012 season. If you give two shits – and based on Toyota Talk, it seems there are a lot of people left who do – you can design a shirt based around the Year of the Fan concept that could be given away at the final home game at Coors Field. Why any fan of this team would participate in this is beyond me. The whole organization has failed so thoroughly this year, it’s comical to think there is anything you could put on a t-shirt that would be acceptable to be given away at the gate.
So as a parting shot to the Monfarts, I’ve provided my submissions to the Year of the Fan t-shirt contest. Enjoy and feel free to use these or make your own. After all, it is the Year of You.
“It was the Year of the Fan and all I got was herpes”
“Year of the Fan? More like Y of the F. And the F stands for what the Monfarts did to the fans”
“Y of the F? Y the F am I still watching this shit?”
“Blue Monday” (Since the 80’s are so hot right now, you might as well tip your cap to New Order and make yourself one of these accurately describing fan sentiment every Monday)
“Nice guys finish last and then they get better jobs in the front office”
“Ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome to the stage, the Best GM in Baseball!”
“Year of the Fan Up in this Bitch!”
And finally I think Denver comedian, rising star and noted Rockies fan Adam Cayton Holland’s (@CaytonHolland) catchphrase sums up the Year of the Fan pretty well:
You Can Go Ahead and Suck Y'Own Dick.™