Before I begin my rant, I would like to establish that I get it...the Rockies suck. In fact, “suck” may be an understatement. This 2012 squad is nothing short of pathetic and are slowly but surely heading towards the worst season in franchise history.
As a fan since the inaugural season in 1993, I can’t remember being so disgruntled and fed-up with my team before the calendar hits August. If it was up to me, I would buy one-way tickets to the other side of the world for ALL these clowns who are running this little league team. Not only would I pay for those plane tickets with my own dough but I would even drive them to the airport in my spacious Honda Prelude.
“Rocktober” seems decades ago and Mr. O’Dowd has been given more than a decade to get it right. Year of the Fan you say? That’s great! I would like to be the starting pitcher against the Phillies on Friday night. I am half the age of Jamie Moyer and I have a really sweet glove. My ERA is in the teens, my heater can almost hit 60 mph, and did I mention I have a really sweet glove?
Those stats alone make me the ace on this team, right? Time to hit the road Charlie, Dick, and Dan...and for the love of god don’t you ever come back.
The Rockies are a joke, the management is a joke, and my 60 mph fastball is a joke. Yet, every year they give us the same product and shockingly it is the same result. How the hell did this management get this team to the World Series In 2007?
Oh that’s right they didn’t, it was the act of the baseball lords who felt so damn sorry for this fanbase...they then proceeded to sprinkle magic baseball fairy dust on Coors Field, which resulted in 21 wins in 22 games and a berth in the playoffs and eventually the World Series.
Thanks for that dudes upstairs, we really enjoyed that ridiculous run! My liver...not so much!
Last season, I attended 23 games including one in San Diego. This season, I have been to 16 games and I have a trip booked in August to watch them play in Chicago (what an epic battle of craptacular baseball that will be). Chicago has lots of babes and I like babes, so hopefully that will dull the pain when we likely get swept.
But back to my point, that is 39 games in a season and a half, and I have witnessed 10 wins in that span....10 wins out of 39 ballgames! I can win 10 games with the Rockies on my Xbox in a single afternoon, and if I played sober then my squad would be nothing short of amazing.
Unless you live under a rock, you are an idiot, or you are an idiot who lives under a rock, then it is obvious this team needs drastic changes. In fact, I think we should borrow that slogan from that dude Obama, you know the one about change?
The Rockies have always had a loyal group of fans but more and more of us are beginning to show our discontent for these dingleberries in the front office. After hours of research, I believe I have come up with a couple solutions to our problems.
First, Rockies fans rebel and tell the Monforts and O’Dowd to kick rocks until they listen...this seems to be the most logical solution. One problem though, Coloradans love heading to the ballpark, even if we have a guy in the rotation that is pushing 80 freaking years old.
To completely cut out the Rockies will be extremely difficult for some, myself included, but it may be our only hope.
Second, call up the New York Jets and propose a trade of all our starting pitchers (minus Pomeranz) and some prospects, in exchange for the son of God, Tim Tebow. He won an AFC West title and a playoff game without even knowing how to throw a football. Can you imagine how baffled opposing hitters would be trying to hit anything that guy throws? Finally, and unfortunately our last hope at saving this team...more damn magic baseball fairy dust!